- What are these incidents reflecting upto?
- What messages are they trying to tell us?
- Who is responsible for the steep deterioration of culture in our country like this? We had a rich enviable heritage where the spouse could even follow the Lord of death, challenge Him and get her spouse back to life. You can check the story of Satyavan and Savitri here. From here, we now have incidents where the bride herself is turning as a boisterous bullet to pierce and kill the life partner and in the process of crazy haste and hurry-burry, she is spoiling her own life and burying the happiness of all family too.
Let us introspect a little on what’s gone wrong and where?
- As parents we should be responsible mentors and guidance to our kids. Too much of uncontrolled, uncensored and unmonitored liberty to our kids is dangerous with lurking perils from all quarters.
I appreciate the greatness of women but we should remember that as per our traditions, a women is bound to enter another family shortly to commence a new generation. Pampering her too much to the extent of discouraging her matrimonial house is going to catastrophically disastrous to everyone.
- I appreciate the benevolence and magnanimity of us in extending a sincere love and affection to our female kith and kin. At the same time, we do nurture a most tricky and important responsibility that our freedom is not misused by her even inadvertantly. To use or misuse the freedom is just as simple event as the cat on the wall. The cat can simply jump any side at its own whims and fancies.
I have one experience regarding a neighbor in my locality. Their daughter is currently pursuing her college course and as usual and as predicted these days, she is seen with her mobile phone as her 24×7 companion. This has become a growing concern to her parents. The other day when I was talking with her mom, she was telling that they have aggressively started to look for an alliance for her, which we call in Tamil as “கால் கட்டு போடறது”. Her mom was of the opinion that if she gets married she would get responsible. But one thing, we (parents) overlook these days is that the responsibility does not come overnight to our daughters. We ought to ensure that our girl children cultivate the responsibility and get good name in the family of her husband. Without reading her heart giving her into a wedlock to a new person when she has already developed a liking for someone would only end up in incidents which we saw in the opening of this post and we would only be having Part III, Part IV etc in a never-ending saga. The bride should also apply some due-diligence thought. If there is something to vent out her anger it is not the innocent third party new person who has got introduced to her life and yet to learn her fully. It is her parents that has chosen him and it is the impotent paramour that was not possessing enough dare to meet her parents to claim her hands.
As parents, if we don’t like our pet to develop love-relationship, we should have been careful right from the inception and we morally own that onus and responsibility.Also these days what we observe is the growing number of wedding dissolutions and broken hearts. There were days when during the marriage the bridal party used to tell their daughter “பாத்து நடந்துக்கோ மா. உன் புக்காதுல நல்ல பேரு வாங்கணும். நீ இனிமே அந்தாதுல குத்துவிளக்கு.” (“Be a good girl in your newly married matrimonial house and get good name from your inlaws. You should time and again prove yourself that you are the treasured asset to their family.”) and we now witness a steep deterioration in this perspective too wherein the bride is unnecessarily and unwarrantedly advised to lure off the groom away into a nuclear family. I would say that this might also be a latent greed of the bridal party that they can clinch and cling upon the daughter’s family piggybacking on them to promote and promulgate their selfish ulterior motives.
As parents of bride we should ensure that we don’t unnecessarily break another family lest the same shall boomerang sooner or later in our own lineage.We have already seen that we never support nuclear in any form whatsoever.
- Be it home neighborhood or workplace, unless one cultivates a habit of seeing other girls with the ‘vision of sister’ without taste of lust, nothing is going to improve. The globally accepted ‘Thirukkural’ has a good couplet emphasizing this:
பிறன்மனை நோக்காத பேராண்மை சான்றோர்க்குஅறனொன்றோ ஆன்ற வொழுக்கு.Our own Indian Pledge too emphasizes this thought in the first opening sentence itself. There should be a zero tolerance policy in every bit and piece of the land against illicit sexual relationship and assaults in whichever form and kind it manifests across.This blogger has been instrumental in many places ensuring the safety of women in multiple places including bringing devilish and harrowing punishments to the offenders. That would continue unabated. We have a great poet in Tamil Nadu who glorified our female fraternity as “மங்கயராக பிறப்பதற்கே நல்ல மாதவம் செய்திட வேண்டுமம்மா” (meaning one should have been blessed greatly to be born as a girl). That was Kavimani Desika Vinayakam Pillai.
- Avoid looking at our female fraternity (whoever be it) with a false notion.
- Be a good parent of our female offsprings. Once she is given in wedlock to another family, she becomes a part and parcel of another family. While I don’t say that we sunder all relationships in toto, at the same time, I would say, we should leave her to lead a prosperous and happy married life. During our sacred wedding, we have promised in front of Lord Agni that we are giving away our daughter as a life partner to another, which we call as ‘Kanyadaan‘. Let us be true to it.
- Let us ensure that our wards are growing properly with responsible liberty and monitored attentive environment so that they don’t fall prey to lurking perils of the environment.