This is the translation of an interview organized with a marriage bureau recently and shared in Humorists Group (Facebook)
In the classic Tamil film of ‘Manal Kayiru‘ staging S. Ve. Sekhar, he used to stipulate hard to satisfy conditions on his parents on the pretext of his expectations on how he aspired his better-half to be. The current situation in our society is kind of reverse. Nowadays it the female fraternity who dictate the terms in selecting their preferred spouse. But the number of conditions that goes in is of astronomical dimensions assuming scary proportions and magnitude and beats exponential levels and geometric progression limits and thresholds.
This is a narration of an interview that Varagooran Narayanan had with an organizer of a marriage bureau. The specified center has been functional for more than fourteen years. The center had hard and fast rules like expecting the marriage parties to come in person to register with them besides they are personally interviewed, scrutinized and assessed by the organizer to verify the veracity and accredit the authenticity of their claims. At times the organizer used to summon the prospective bride and groom too to visit him before he could offer his services to them. Based on his experience he shares the evolution of mentality that boys and girls have developed over the period of time including the current situation when men feel wedlock as a jail-lock and start nurturing a devilish nightmare from the same. The evolution is a kind of electrifying dramatization but in fact is a sad reality.
A few incidents shared by him to start with:
- A few weeks back parents of a bride visited him to re-register their daughter’s horoscope who had been recently ‘engaged’ with some one. When asked why did they drop the proposal after engagement, their reply was that they had fixed the wedding date after four months. The bride and groom seems to have been casually engaged in telephone calls. In one of the calls when she was asking the groom whether he had a ‘cook’ or ‘servant maid’ at home? He had replied ‘yes’ but at times when the maid does not turn up we ought to support ourselves in the same. This has enraged the prospective bride who out-rightly rejected the groom canceling the engagement claiming that ‘how dare he asks me to support in household chores when I am working in such a big organization in such a higher position’ and she has added why can not he involve his sister and mother to support in household chores. This attitude of her brimming with temerity seems to have been appealing to her parents and they also wanted to reject such an alliance and hunt for another ‘prospective scape-goat’.
- The next bride was a 32 year old spinster. Her previous experience with a prospective match was that after an initial discussion with the groom in one of the conversation that she mentioned to have gone to a film. He had casually asked did you go with a team or some one? This has triggered a spurt of hurt on her ego claiming that there is a potential intrusion in her ‘private space’ and she can only entertain a broad-minded person to be occupying the prestigious position of being her better heart. These are just a few samples. The organizer adds that he has scores of such incidents which he has come across.
- One bride was challenging him with the question that why should she call her spouse’ parents as her mom and dad when she has her own?
- Another one attributes a greater weight to her career and financial scores. Hence she decided that any plans of wedding can only given even any thought after thirty years of age. She is successfully embracing a mature spinster-ship of thirty two now.
- One elite girl proudly boasted that she hated the word ‘compromise’. If at all a life means involving compromises she shunned that in Toto.
- Another girl’s parents were openly telling that their ward was totally ‘in-adjustible’ and hence in the matches that the organizer has to give the major pre-requisite was to find a groom without parents or one whose parents are away and he is working elsewhere!
- Another girl’s parents proudly bragged that their girl didn’t even know how to make even coffee and hence get this confirmed with the prospective parties first itself.
- Another one closely sharing the thought as in (7) above seems to have confessed that their daughter knew cooking very well and when she is in high spirits or good mood she would cook but she hates cooking primarily.
- One of the girl’s parents stipulated that their girl considered ‘independance’ as paramount importance and hence even signage of dominance over even oral advise would embarass her acutely.
- Another ‘traditional family’ was confessing that their daughter does not have believes in religious customs and hence she should not be asked to light lamps and/or partake in family rituals lest she suffers any sort of mood swings.
All these incidents clearly indicate the radical but rotten (r) evolution of female renaissance that has got deep-rooted in our society.
Even for those who have registered with them, the groom’s parties have been regularly pinging him for prospective matches but when he attempted to reach the bridal parties he used to get dilly-dallying response from them claiming that the girl would be available in the city only on Friday/Sunday or on a specified day. They would also add that if we pester her she would get a kind of gloomy mood. A few others expressed their inability to understand their daughter’s mindset and wanted the organizer to talk to her and get her thoughts and insights about the matrimonial plans and progress.
The expectation from a marriage for a girl these days seems to have undergone a sea-change. Instead of looking forward to see some one as a ‘love-able caring shoulder’ to partake in the ebb and high tides of life, they seem to be anticipating marriage as a rich cash-cow to fortify and ‘secure’ their societal strength and career. A few girls even go to the extent of booking a realty property and vowing to think about wedding only after the realty in mortgage becomes a truly and fully owned reality for them. At times the parents of the girls are also equally responsible accused because they don’t want a hole to be burnt in their budget by ‘giving’ away their daughter to another matrimonial home. They view the girl as another ‘treasured asset’ to adore their coffer instead of viewing her as their ‘apple’s eye’/’cutie pie’ of their heart.
Nowadays our girls are also exposed to diversified cultures and cross-country customs because of their widespread travel on account of their profession and education. They hence tend to expect a similar hallmark feature in our society and in their life too. They do not want even a ‘oral guidance or direction’ and tend to take them as signage of dominance even when it is not so in reality. We did cover an example of a girl rejecting her fiancee because of the ‘movie trip’ question.
It is also the fact that girls have lost trust in our current marriage setups. Instead of choosing a groom based on scholastic skills, professional caliber and cadre, societal status or testimonial on his characters they tend to get attracted by the features of his physique like height, color as if they are involved in the interview panel of a film group which is choosing some one as a hero of their next film. They also even forget the greatness of joint families and their benefits of helping our posterity in proper directions. They are misguided by their bestial instincts and are driven towards forcing the groom to succumb to their nuclear family demands.
What do they lose because of their temerity?
- Their youthful parents lose the opportunity of organizing their marriage in splendid grandeur. And after good old golden days are over, they have to satisfy themselves with a self-arranged paltry peanut registry weddings.
- They almost miss and cross the biological sexual thresholds and in their gasping race to see an offspring they take an additional dose of tension and anxiety thus adding more counselor visits, therapists consultations, so on and so forth.
- The parents of the girls are loaded with an unwarranted guilt of denying their daughter of a good life. As a result their aged life is often pained with heavy hearts. The girls lose the golden opportunity of seeing their aged parents smile at their retirement age.
The girls should stop bragging about vacuum claims of gender equality and liberation. It is not the liberation that is to be celebrated but ‘responsible freedom’ is the one which is a respectable one. The optimal age of wedlock with the blessings of elders and loaded with smiles and trust is 20 to 25. We pray almighty for give these girls’ parents good wisdom and knowledge in opening their eyes from the deep layers of ignorance in which they are deeply buried. || ईश्वरो रक्षतु||
The Jury (Shani Dev): The translation is submitted to you for your adjudication of the case in getting the bad derailed people back to ethical track.